ATTENTION! The Best Christmas Present Ever

Watching and wanting to be with you, tech free.

Since this is the shopping season of the year, I'm going to tell you what your family and friends really want for Christmas this year...your undivided attention. 

It really is the easiest gift to give, yet it seems like the hardest to find. Last week USA Today interviewed me for a feature article about the reasons kids should 'unplug' over the holidays. I was able to share some insight on why kids are attached to their phones and ideas on how to help kids focus on quality time, not constant use of their devices over the holidays.

After my discussion with the writer, I started reflecting on some recent conversations with friends. Many have vented how frustrating it is when someone you are trying to spend time with is constantly checking his or her phone. We all are guilty and probably think, "I'll just check my phone for one second." Before you know it, time has passed and you've missed the opportunity to be in the moment with the one you are with.  Meal outings seem to be a huge trigger when it comes to the addiction associated with phones. You probably have heard about the "Phone Stack" game. Friends or family put their cell phones in the middle of the table during dinner and whoever checks it first pays the bill. Great idea, but what about other times of the day?

How do we subtly encourage others to put their devices down and relish the time with those around them?



The above video is one of my favorite videos that has gone viral. It's a 2 minute video of a girl who didn't use her phone all day and the observations she made, experiences she had with the overuse of smartphones.  I showed it to all my grad and undergrad students this semester and we discussed the challenges of enjoying these special moments throughout the day... tech-free. They all agreed they have been in similar situations. We talked about how we can not become complacent when it comes to technology ruling our lives. 

As we strive to find that balance and enjoy our times together over the winter break and beyond, here are some tips for the holidays and the new year:

1. Everyone does it: That's right, if you want your special someone to put their device down then you need to as well. This seems like common sense, but we have to model the behavior we wish to see. How about making a pact together, no cell phone use during the hour you are together, or if he/she does need to take that phone call, it's quick and back to being together with out that metal distraction.

2. Talk about it, often: One reminder every few months is not going to change anyone's behavior. Having discussions with your friends or family and actually role playing is very helpful.  You can discuss how it makes you feel when he or she is preoccupied with their digital device while you are trying to appreciate each other's company.

3. Agree on boundaries:  Quitting cold turkey doesn't always work, so come up with a plan on when and where it is acceptable to use the phone. Remember MODERATION should be the goal, having balance. When alone, think of ways to also avoid the constant interaction with your mobile device. There's much to be said about the life of the soul, the life of the spirit...in simple stillness.

4. What's necessary:  It is crucial to take 25 pictures at one event? Can that game wait until after dinner?  Do you really have to instantly reply to that text or message? Getting back to basics is the key to moving forward.

5. It's a new year: Perfect time to set some resolutions on how to improve our relationships and unplug from a device that can control our lives. In the end, it is just a THING, not a live person.

Let's enjoy the holidays and new year. Give the gift that keeps on giving...quality time making memories and living your REAL life. Silence your phones, stack them on a table, put them away for a few hours and enjoy the REAL people around you. 

Unplugging doesn't mean you can't be connected with the world, 

it inspires you to be connected with those who mean the most.

What's Cookin': Conversation Is More Important Than The Meal

We all remember this memorable scene from The Christmas Story. When Ralphie's brother, Randy, is motivated to eat at the dinner table by acting like mommy's little piggy.  Hilarious, unless it happens in your house. Maybe this is why family dinners are not always the rage. 

I'll be the first to admit, my kids haven't always been the best eaters. I think the consensus surrounding family dinner time is that it can be challenging.  Challenging to find the time, challenging to get your kids to eat, challenging to get a meal cooked or bought and put on the table! But over the last few years, especially as they become older, one thing I love to do during our family meals is...listen. Hearing about their days and their giggles as they joke around with each other is really priceless. Now, the occasional, "I don't like [insert whatever meal I made]" and "I'm finished, can I just leave the table now" can be a nuisance. However, making a goal to eat together as a family is incredibly important.  For the record, the word "family" has a very wide definition, so whomever you consider your family/friends, whatever that means to you--make the time!  

Since it is that time of year of family gatherings and everyone eating at the table more frequently than usual, here are some facts about the importance of unplugging and dining together.

• Increased Vocabulary: A 15 year research study by a Harvard Professor, Dr. Catherine Snow, found that children learned more vocabulary words during mealtime than actually reading to them.  We often hear the emphasis on reading to our kids everyday, but not always the importance of having social conversations with them.
• Higher Success in School:  Some studies show they are 40% more likely to earn A's and B's in school if they are having routine sit down, family type meals.
• Positive Behaviors: Regular family dinners have been linked to lower rates of depression and  substance abuse.
• Increased Social Skills: We all know kids do not verbally socialize as much in this digital society. Results show that kids have an increase in their social skills from the mealtime conversations with their friends and family.
• Bonding: It's the time, not the meal that matters. The good news is, there really is not magical number of minutes as long as the conversation is positive and often. The focus is to bring your family unit closer together through two way communication experiences.

Experts stress having the technology devices off and your attention on your loved ones.Try to emphasis the correct manners they are expressing as you shun the urge to correct them (i.e.elbows off the table, chew with your mouth closed, etc).  Don't stress if your "Randy" struggles during mealtime, it does take practice and you are instilling life skills about being polite, having real conversations and making memories.  

Go for it-I triple dog dare you.

Happy Holidays! Here's hoping you avoid...

getting your tongue stuck to a flagpole

wearing pink rabbit pj's

and shooting your eye out with a BB gun.  

Considering all these things, family mealtimes will be more enjoyable than the consequence of  changing a spare tire in the snow!